In search for another me, I almost lost the unique me.
One of the problem I had while growing up was lack of self confidence and trust. I was never good enough for myself.
I was too shallow for who I wished I was so I went in search for another “me”.
I believed I was too fat and I also had a bow leg — “My figure sucks” I kept reminding myself. I had many things bothering me… like why I can’t tell a normal joke like other girls without been ridiculed, why my comments were always out of point, why I can’t just associate freely with others like other girls do, why I don’t have a cute smile like the other girls. I just hated who I was. I hissed each time I sees my reflection on a mirror.
My thoughts about myself started affecting me psychologically, mentally and emotionally.
Each time a kid laughs beside me, I do feel very bad.
"Of course they are laughing at this oversized balloon of a girl with a small head and tiny bow legs" I always thought.
This actually made me withdraw myself from associating with people. “I’m too inferior to be anybody’s friend” I thought. I reduced my feeding. Mother never knew I started giving out my night food to our dog Becky. I starved myself searching for another “me”. Who knows I might reduce and be like other teenage girls.
It was a real war inside me. I started browsing on fast ways to reduce fat. My meal changed entirely without my parents knowledge. After all they don’t fight what I fight always in the street and in school.
But the truth is that I was the one fighting myself
But there is something I’m not telling you here… I loved to sing. I had the voice also, at least that’s what mother told me. Although I had never sang in a concert, I was not even in the church choir but mother always love to hear me sing.
” You voice is super amazing and it lifts the soul Susan” mother said
What does she know ni? I though sniffing. Other girls have wonderful figure(Well curved body shape), a good leg that fits their body, a normal head size with cute smiles; but what do I get? “A cute voice” I said mockingly, rolling my eyes all over. The other day Mary said I look like letter Q. Who cares about singing or having a super amazing voice? Is that what will make me belong? I asked rhetorically throwing my hands up in frustration.
I started loosing weight gradually. Mother became bothered if I was sick but I couldn’t share my little secret.
“If finally I finds another me, I will forget everything about this present me — even the singing I love a lot, everything that will remind me of this present miserable me, most be forgotten” this was my decision until that night I sank into oblivion. The hunger strike was too much for my under 18 body to bear but I was too desperate.
When I later regained consciousness, I cried so much in the hospital bed. Mother thought I was in pain but the battle I gave myself were weighing me down.
After sometime, I started singing happily. I was glad that amidst the pains I put myself through, at least I’m seeing some changes. I was getting skinny but Sicky. That didn’t bother me though as far as I got this oversized body slimmed down.
People started gathering round my bed. The nurses, the hospital cleaners, some other parents that came to see their loved ones.
I was amazed at their comments. It was like a multi barrel gun shooting me from all angle.
“Wow what an amazing singer, Oh she is so talented, this girl is simply amazing, how old is this girl please, wow she has the cutest voice ever” these were their comments to count but a few though. Some brought out their phone and were videoing me.
I felt so useful. I couldn’t believe such crowd can be applauding this “Me” I tried to change. For once in my life, I felt noticed and appreciated. Maybe this “me” I’m trying to change isn’t that bad after all. I just needed to find out the “Unique Me”
•••I’m Sandra, I am fourteen — That is my story•••
I was always thinking; it starts with our mind. Never allow degrading thoughts about yourself. I always thought people were talking and laughing at me because I was already feeling quite inferior.
Never be too quick to conclude, how can you tell if you don’t associate.
Even if they mock you, always remember that you’re unique. You have got something that they can’t help admiring. If you shy away, you might never find that.
After that morning at the hospital, I went in search of the “Unique Me” instead of “Another Me”
Although the above story is just a play of my mind and my imaginations but I’m sure a lot of persons can draw themselves into a similar scene.
We are all unique, it doesn’t matter what makes you feel bad about yourself. You don’t need to change who you are because the best person you can ever be is YOU.
Do you feel your lips are too big or very small? Do you always feel inferior, no self confidence nor trust.
Hang on, Victory Virtuous is telling you today that what makes you special is who you are and not who you pretend to be.
Nothing can limit your abilities and potentials but your mind
If you can’t accept who you are, nobody else can accept you and until you accept who you are, you may never find that “Unique You”
God bless you